Monday, February 11
Thursday, December 20
STRAIGHT NO CHASER
Straight No Chaser: This is the only way Partridges can handle this song.
Turn on your speakers and listen carefully!
Turn on your speakers and listen carefully!
Saturday, December 15
Monday, December 3
CHRISTMAS ART
Oh, Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree! How...How lovely... oh, damn! I forgot the words. Hey! Where's the Christmas fudge?
Marijuana Art:
Medical Marijuana Christmas Tree - 1998
by Jean Hanamoto
Wo/Men's Alliance for Medical Marijuana
Santa Cruz, CA
Marijuana Art:
Medical Marijuana Christmas Tree - 1998
by Jean Hanamoto
Wo/Men's Alliance for Medical Marijuana
Santa Cruz, CA
Saturday, December 1
DAILY QUOTATIONS
December 1
The only downside is that the passage of Thanksgiving marks the
inescapable onset of Christmas. Any day now - any moment - my dear
wife will appear beside me and announce that the time has come to
shift my distended stomach and get out the festive decorations. This
is a dread moment for me and with good reason since it involves
physical exertion, wobbly ladders, live electricity, hammers and
nails, and the collaborative direction of said dear spouse - all
things with the power to do me a serious and permanent injury.
I'm a Stranger Here Myself
Bill Bryson
December 2
Oy! to the world.
Jewish Christmas Carol
December 3
I'd like to spend next Christmas in Rangoon,
Or any place where Christmas is as noisy
As Buddhist holidays might be in Boise.
I long to hear Der Bingle smoothly croon,
"I'm dreaming of a Christmas in Rangoon"
Or someplace you won't hear the Christmas story;
And reindeer's something eaten cacciatore.
I know things can't go on the way they are.
I'd like to spend next Christmas in Qatar.
Calvin Trillin
December 4
The perfect Christmas gift for a sportscaster, as all fans of sports clichés know, is a scoreless tie.
William Safire
December 5
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our
stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for
fillings our stockings with legs?
G. K. Chesterton
December 6
On Christmas it is proclaimed that Christianity established peace on earth and good will towards men. Next day the Christian, with refreshed soul, goes back to the manufacture of submarines and torpedoes.
George Bernard Shaw
December 7
Real problem here is the salutation "Merry Christmas" versus "Happy Holidays". December 25 should be a day we all come together. It just so happens December 25 is also the birthday of actress Sissy Spacek. And who doesn't love Sissy Spacek? I love the "Coal Miner's Daughter." "In the Bedroom" was a little bit of a downer. I think we all should go around and greet each other: "Sissy Spacek. Sissy Spacek". I think it would be really nice. It has a nice ring.
Mo Racca
December 8
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
December 9
Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the
Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively,
intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection...
nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's
dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its
family...
Berke Breathed
December 10
Merry Christmas,
Nearly Everybody!
Ogden Nash
December 11
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
Dave Barry
December 12
May all my enemies go to hell
Noel, noel, noel, noel.
Hillaire Belloc
December 13
One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two share."
Stephen Wright
December 14
That's it, then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans,
no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas!
Alan Rickman (The Sheriff of Nottingham in "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves")
December 15
Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish,
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
Benny Hill
December 16
Christmas is great. There's something in it for everyone: The Democrats like it because there's deficit spending
and the Republicans like it because you get to cut down a tree.
Garrison Keillor
December 17
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers
December 18
It is my heart-warming and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.
Mark Twain
December 19
It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God—the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular; rather we try to transform it. It is our mission to make holy the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people—kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people—no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush…
Fr. Andrew Greeley
The only downside is that the passage of Thanksgiving marks the
inescapable onset of Christmas. Any day now - any moment - my dear
wife will appear beside me and announce that the time has come to
shift my distended stomach and get out the festive decorations. This
is a dread moment for me and with good reason since it involves
physical exertion, wobbly ladders, live electricity, hammers and
nails, and the collaborative direction of said dear spouse - all
things with the power to do me a serious and permanent injury.
I'm a Stranger Here Myself
Bill Bryson
December 2
Oy! to the world.
Jewish Christmas Carol
December 3
I'd like to spend next Christmas in Rangoon,
Or any place where Christmas is as noisy
As Buddhist holidays might be in Boise.
I long to hear Der Bingle smoothly croon,
"I'm dreaming of a Christmas in Rangoon"
Or someplace you won't hear the Christmas story;
And reindeer's something eaten cacciatore.
I know things can't go on the way they are.
I'd like to spend next Christmas in Qatar.
Calvin Trillin
December 4
The perfect Christmas gift for a sportscaster, as all fans of sports clichés know, is a scoreless tie.
William Safire
December 5
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our
stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for
fillings our stockings with legs?
G. K. Chesterton
December 6
On Christmas it is proclaimed that Christianity established peace on earth and good will towards men. Next day the Christian, with refreshed soul, goes back to the manufacture of submarines and torpedoes.
George Bernard Shaw
December 7
Real problem here is the salutation "Merry Christmas" versus "Happy Holidays". December 25 should be a day we all come together. It just so happens December 25 is also the birthday of actress Sissy Spacek. And who doesn't love Sissy Spacek? I love the "Coal Miner's Daughter." "In the Bedroom" was a little bit of a downer. I think we all should go around and greet each other: "Sissy Spacek. Sissy Spacek". I think it would be really nice. It has a nice ring.
Mo Racca
December 8
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
December 9
Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the
Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively,
intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection...
nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's
dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its
family...
Berke Breathed
December 10
Merry Christmas,
Nearly Everybody!
Ogden Nash
December 11
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
Dave Barry
December 12
May all my enemies go to hell
Noel, noel, noel, noel.
Hillaire Belloc
December 13
One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two share."
Stephen Wright
December 14
That's it, then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans,
no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas!
Alan Rickman (The Sheriff of Nottingham in "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves")
December 15
Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish,
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
Benny Hill
December 16
Christmas is great. There's something in it for everyone: The Democrats like it because there's deficit spending
and the Republicans like it because you get to cut down a tree.
Garrison Keillor
December 17
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers
December 18
It is my heart-warming and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.
Mark Twain
December 19
It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God—the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular; rather we try to transform it. It is our mission to make holy the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people—kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people—no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush…
Fr. Andrew Greeley
December 20
Mother's out of jail, Dad!
Let us ask her in!
Make her Christmas merry
With food and fire and gin!
Mother's out of jail, Dad,
Let us ask her in!
Mother's Home Again!
Don Marquis
December 21
My brother heard a woman on a bus say, as the bus passed a church
with a Crib outside it, "Oh, Lor' They bring religion into everything.
Look - they're dragging it even into Christmas now!"
C. S. Lewis
December 22
Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Bart Simpson
December 23
I have it from a reliable source that if you play 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' backwards you hear 'Die! Capitalist Pig, Die!'.
Anarchist Website
December 24
The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
December 25
May the Babe of Bethlehem be yours to tend;
May the Boy of Nazareth be yours for friend;
May the Man of Galilee his healing send;
May the Christ of Calvary his courage lend;
May the Risen Lord his presence send.
And his holy angels defend you to the end.
Pilgrim's Prayer
found in Oberammergau, West Germany, 1980
Mother's out of jail, Dad!
Let us ask her in!
Make her Christmas merry
With food and fire and gin!
Mother's out of jail, Dad,
Let us ask her in!
Mother's Home Again!
Don Marquis
December 21
My brother heard a woman on a bus say, as the bus passed a church
with a Crib outside it, "Oh, Lor' They bring religion into everything.
Look - they're dragging it even into Christmas now!"
C. S. Lewis
December 22
Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Bart Simpson
December 23
I have it from a reliable source that if you play 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' backwards you hear 'Die! Capitalist Pig, Die!'.
Anarchist Website
December 24
The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
December 25
May the Babe of Bethlehem be yours to tend;
May the Boy of Nazareth be yours for friend;
May the Man of Galilee his healing send;
May the Christ of Calvary his courage lend;
May the Risen Lord his presence send.
And his holy angels defend you to the end.
Pilgrim's Prayer
found in Oberammergau, West Germany, 1980
Thursday, November 29
RELIGION ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE
Muslim Council of Britain spokesman Shayk Ibrahim Mogra said, "To suggest celebrating Christmas and having decorations offends Muslims is absurd. Why can't we have more nativity scenes in Britain?"
"Hindus celebrate Christmas, too. It's a great holiday for everyone living in Britain," said Anil Bhanot, general secretary of the UK Hindu Council.
Sikh spokesman Indarjit Singh said: "Every year I am asked 'Do I object to the celebration of Christmas?' It's an absurd question. As ever, my family and I will send out our Christmas cards to our Christian friends and others."
The Christian Science Monitor (December 12 2007)
In other news, it is rumored that Britney Spears is starring as Mary in a bizarre satire film called "Sweet Baby Jesus." Not as Mary Magdalene, but as the Virgin Mary.
Reported on FoxNews (the official newsroom of Christmas)
Oy to the world!
Jewish Christmas Carol
My brother heard a woman on a bus say, as the bus passed a church
with a Crib outside it, "Oh, Lor' They bring religion into everything.
Look - they're dragging it even into Christmas now!"
C. S. Lewis
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
Benny Hill
Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the
Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively,
intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection...
nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it's
dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its
family...
Berke Breathed
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday season; the
Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called
it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and
drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry
Christmas!' or ' Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for
the wall!'
Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide
Dave Barry
Washington's birthday is as close to a secular Christmas as any Christian country dare come this side of blasphemy.
Alistair Cooke
Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Bart Simpson
On Christmas it is proclaimed that Christianity established peace on earth and good will towards men. Next day the Christian, with refreshed soul, goes back to the manufacture of submarines and torpedoes.
George Bernard Shaw
The festival is called Christmas, it contains the name of a mythic religious entity that I do not regard as a god, but then so do the words Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. No big deal. As an atheist I have no more problems with Christmas than I do with Wednesdays. (Thursdays, of course, are a totally different matter, I could never get the hang of Thursdays.)
Atheist Christmas
Wednesday, November 28
POLITICS
"I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, of course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican."
Barbara Ehrenreich
"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair,
Must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
Arlo Guthrie
"We should declare war on North Vietnam.... We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas. "
Ronald Reagan
"Christmas is great. There's something in it for everyone: The Democrats like it because there's deficit spending and the Republicans like it because you get to cut down a tree."
Garrison Keillor
Barbara Ehrenreich
"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
He must be a communist.
And a beard and long hair,
Must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
Arlo Guthrie
"We should declare war on North Vietnam.... We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas. "
Ronald Reagan
"Christmas is great. There's something in it for everyone: The Democrats like it because there's deficit spending and the Republicans like it because you get to cut down a tree."
Garrison Keillor
Monday, November 26
BIZARRO CHRISTMAS
I can just imagine the coked-up Hollywood producer who thought this would be a good pairing. How about you?
Oy!
Oy!
Saturday, November 24
Friday, November 23
FAMILY
Mother's out of jail, Dad!
Let us ask her in!
Make her Christmas merry
With food and fire and gin!
Mother's out of jail, Dad,
Let us ask her in!
Mother's Home Again!
Don Marquis
"It was late November, I think. And I was thinking about the whole
Christmas thing: The birth of Christ, The Wizard of Oz, family
murders. And quite frankly, I was depressed."
Joe
A MidWinter's Tale
"Christmas means many things to many people. Love. Togetherness.
Redemption. Psychosis."
Bob Bankard
You Need Many Years of Therapy
PhillyBurbs
"One Christmas my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He
gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two
share." "
Stephen Wright
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
Joan Rivers
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
Bernard Manning
"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas."
Robert Lynd
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
Garrison Keillor
Let us ask her in!
Make her Christmas merry
With food and fire and gin!
Mother's out of jail, Dad,
Let us ask her in!
Mother's Home Again!
Don Marquis
"It was late November, I think. And I was thinking about the whole
Christmas thing: The birth of Christ, The Wizard of Oz, family
murders. And quite frankly, I was depressed."
Joe
A MidWinter's Tale
"Christmas means many things to many people. Love. Togetherness.
Redemption. Psychosis."
Bob Bankard
You Need Many Years of Therapy
PhillyBurbs
"One Christmas my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He
gave my brother a box of bandaids. Then he said to us, "Now, you two
share." "
Stephen Wright
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."
Joan Rivers
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
Bernard Manning
"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas."
Robert Lynd
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
Garrison Keillor
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